Bruce Stein
Chavurat Lamdeinu
Madison, NJ
Sept. 20, 2009
2 Tishrei 5770

                             God is in Facebook and I Didn’t Know It


I was on my computer trying to figure out what to talk about this year and I didn’t have any
thoughts so I figured I’d check my email and then come back to it.

When I checked my email the latest piece of mail was flashing so I looked at it and it said:

Notification+m~(tilde)muv~(tilde)dd@facebookmail.com God added you as a friend on Facebook…  
We need to confirm that you know God in order for you to be friends on Facebook.

I jumped back on my chair! Wow! God was in  facebook and I did not know it.

As that anxious feeling coursed through my body I quickly had some random thoughts:

If I went to God’s facebook page and clicked on “Friends”. who would be the friends of God?
Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Noah? Isaiah, Amos, Jeremiah, Moses? How about Job? If you’ve been
following Job in Torah study You might think he did NOT make the list.

Would anyone I know be friends of God? If I went to God’s page would there be any pictures in the
“Mutual Friends” area? Did I really want to know?

I wanted to do a cut and paste and go directly to God’s page BUT…


Could this be dangerous? Wait! Is there a picture of God on God’s home page?

Is seeing God’s facebook page like seeing God’s face? Remember what God said to Moses about
seeing his face – Check it out in Exodus 33:20. It’s not good!

I decided to think about this some more before rushing into anything.

If I did go to God’s page (I’d shut my eyes in case he had a photo on his page) could I write on His
wall? Is His wall like the Kotel, the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem. Is it like putting little rolled up paper
messages in the Kotel cracks.  

Do you say a prayer before writing on God’s wall?


After thinking these random facebook type thoughts I went back to the original email

God added you as a friend on Facebook… We need to confirm that you know God in order for you
to be friends on Facebook.

To know God. I’ve been trying to know God for the last 15 years. Am I any closer to knowing than I
was 15 years ago? Actually I am closer to not knowing God than I was 15 years ago. But it took a
lot of knowledge to get to know that I don’t know.

But I do know that those who know God better than I,  like Isaiah and Jeremiah and Ezekiel knew it
was about how to conduct your life and at this time of the Jewish year this is what we think about.
It’s kind of like SAT time. Or Regents time if you are from NY.  Can you pass the test this year?

Coming every Saturday morning and studying the Tanach is like going to a Kaplan’s SAT review.
Reading the prophets is like taking sample SAT’s. Well I’ve been a steady Kaplan student for a long
time. But am I learning anything?  Is anything sinking in?

I also thought will I ever do something significant in my life? If you want to write on God’s wall
shouldn’t you have something significant to write?

Have I done anything significant? I think of this every time I go to a funeral. When I see someone
come up to the lectern to talk about the deceased I think “if I died who would talk about me. What
would my wife say? My children? My friends? If only my dog DASH could talk I could be assured of
one good speech” Maybe?

Well this is the time of year when I think about this stuff, realize I fall short again and then figure
out how to do things differently next year. And then do the same thing.

BUT. This year I came up something new. I’ll make a checklist.  Kind of like a report card. What a
unique concept. So this is my list.

Instructions:
List all your relationships. Under each relationship fill in with a number 2 pencil, only a #2 pencil
because God’s counting machine DOES NOT read #3 pencils,  the statement which most applies.
The possible statements are:

a. STDY - same thing different year
b. I thought about changing but…
c. why change? What did I do wrong? (Larry David fills in this one a lot).
d. slight improvement if viewed under an electron microscope
e. beat expectations
f. tikkun olam

The relationships:
a. wife – you’re surprised this is question number one? Actually this does not have  to be #1    
because Jeanne is not here but in case someone talks to her…I work on  this one a lot but I need
to do more. Maybe for our 10th ann. I will go on any trip she wants to go. But what if she’s serious
about Somalia?
b. children – the electron microscope one but they did send me a l’shana tovah email this year.
c. step children – why change what did I do? Maybe I need another statement like one step
backward. Needs improvement.
d. close relatives – beat expectations – got closer
e. not so close relatives – beat expectations – some became closer relatives
f. ex-wife – I break into a cold sweat, my #2 pencil breaks. Can I pass on that one?         Actually
slight improvement but is there anything more fun than a divorce?        
g. friends – with friends like these who needs…made some lost some - wash
h. people you meet on the street – turned my back on some helped others but always had
immense guilt regardless.  
i. business people – how can you lose half of your savings and be civil to someone …
j. community – beat expectations
k. world – did you ever try kiva? I’ve made about 20 loans over the last 3 years and I’ve had no loan
defaults. Why is it you can lend money to strangers from all over the world and they pay you back
but you loan friends  money and … don’t hold your breath.
     

So after I did my checklist and noted the results, I think I made progress since last year. But my
progress is like the progress I make in yoga, as I bend over to touch the ground I get one inch
closer each year. I am almost on the ground after four years.  Painfully slow progress.  BUT
progress.

Is my progress good enough to report to God and write it on his facebook wall? Whether it is or not
it doesn’t really matter because it gets written there anyway.

I am just hoping that after Yom Kippur I will go to my computer open my email and see:

Notification+m~muv~dd@facebookmail.com God confirmed you as a friend on Facebook… and he
wrote your name on his wall, the Book of Life.

L’shana tovah may you all be written in the Book of Life.
Chavurat Lamdeinu
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God is in Facebook and I Didn't Know It